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Groucho Marx Quotes

Please enjoy these inspirational quotes by Groucho Marx.

Humor is reason gone mad.
- Groucho Marx

Related topics: Cute Whimsey

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
- Groucho Marx

I got a good mind to join a club
and beat you over the head with it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

Clear? Huh. Why a four-year-old child
could understand this report.
Run out and find me a four-year-old child,
I can't make head or tail of it.
- the Groucho Marx movie Duck Soup

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Thank You,
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
- Groucho Marx

I was married by a judge.
I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx

 

I intend to live forever, or die trying.
- Groucho Marx

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked
his weight in wild caterpillars?
Afraid? You bet I'm afraid!
- Groucho Marx

Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.
- Groucho Marx

Life's burdens are lighter when I laugh at myself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

A well-developed sense of humor
is the pole that adds balance to your steps,
as you walk the tightrope of life.
- William Arthur Ward

Through humor, you can soften some
of the worst blows that life delivers.
And once you find laughter,
no matter how painful your situation might be,
you can survive it.
- Bill Cosby

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.
- Mark Twain

So long as you have courage and a sense of humor,
it is never too late to start life afresh.
- Freeman Dyson

A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
- William James

A sense of humor... is needed armor.
Joy in one's heart and some laughter on one's lips
is a sign that the person down deep
has a pretty good grasp of life.
- Hugh Sidey

One can never speak enough of the virtues,
the dangers, the power of shared laughter.
- Francoise Sagan

You grow up the day you have
your first real laugh - at yourself.
- Ethel Barrymore

A person without a sense of humor
is like a wagon without springs.
It's jolted by every pebble on the road.
- Henry Ward Beecher

A joke is a very serious thing.
- Winston Churchill

A willingness to laugh at itself is what distinguishes
a compassionate religion from a cult.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
- Stephen Hawking

Life is not a tragedy, it is a comedy.
To be alive means to have a sense of humor.
- Osho

If I had no sense of humor,
I would long ago have committed suicide.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde

Good humor is the health of the soul,
sadness is its poison.
- Lord Chesterfield

When life gets you down -
just put on your big girl panties and deal with it.
- Anonymous humor

Wit is the lowest form of humor.
- Alexander Pope

Hang tough... big girl panties today.
- Anonymous humor

Few people know how to take a walk.
The qualifications are endurance,
plain clothes, old shoes, an eye for nature,
good humor, vast curiosity, good speech,
good silence and nothing too much.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

He early on let her know who is the boss.
He looked her right in the eye and clearly said, "You're the boss."
- Anonymous humor

Confucius might have said:
Once frightened, twice smelly in armpit.
- Anonymous humor

Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing,
moving at different speeds.
A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
- William James

Seriousness is a sickness; your sense of humor
makes you more human, more humble.
The sense of humor - according to me -
is one of the most essential parts of religiousness.
- Osho

I know that God made the whole world in 4004 BC.
I know because my preacher told me. He's a good man.
He's even saving up all the money we give him
to go to bible college someday.
- Anonymous Humor

In truth, politeness is artificial good humor,
it covers the natural want of it,
and ends by rendering habitual a substitute
nearly equivalent to the real virtue.
- Thomas Jefferson

Laugh when you can,
apologize when you should,
and let go of what you can't change.
Life's too short to be anything... but happy.
- Anonymous

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...
It's about learning to Dance in the Rain.
- Vivian Greene

Play with life, laugh with life,
dance lightly with life,
and smile at the riddles of life,
knowing that life's only true lessons
are writ small in the margin.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

You don't have the power to make life "fair,"
but you do have the power to make life joyful.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is a reflection of intent.
Love reflects love.
Hate reflects hate.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The essence of life is not in
the great victories and grand failures,
but in the simple joys.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Happiness depends upon ourselves.
- Aristotle

I Dream This Day of Wondrous Things,
of Peace and Hope and Pride.
I Dance My Dance with Life Today,
I'm Filled with Love Inside.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

If you aren't in the moment,
you are either looking forward to uncertainty,
or back to pain and regret.
- Jim Carrey

Today is your day to laugh at life,
laugh at what's funny - laugh at what's sad,
laugh loud - laugh often,
laugh at me - laugh at you - laugh at life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

"Just living is not enough," said the butterfly,
"one must have sunshine, freedom and a little flower."
- Hans Christian Andersen

Nobody can bring you peace but yourself.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Life is always lived in the eye-of-the-storm
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Anger is like a thorn in the heart.
- Yiddish Proverb

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
- The Buddha

Thousands of candles can be lit from a single candle,
and the life of the candle will not be shortened.
Happiness never decreases by being shared.
- The Buddha

Forgiveness is an act of self-love and respect.
- don Miguel Ruiz

Universal compassion is the only guarantee of morality.
- Arthur Schopenhauer

Clouds come floating into my life,
no longer to carry rain or usher storm,
but to add color to my sunset sky.
- Rabindranath Tagore

Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek,
but a means by which we arrive at that goal.
- Martin Luther King, Jr.

Life is a succession of lessons
which must be lived to be understood.
- Helen Keller

Life expands to fill your dreams.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

One can not reflect in streaming water.
Only those who know internal peace can give it to others.
- Lao Tzu

I do not need anyone's permission to be my true self.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

The life of inner peace,
being harmonious and without stress,
is the easiest type of existence.
- Norman Vincent Peale

Choose your Habits, Choose your Life.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is without meaning.
You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is
whatever you ascribe it to be.
Being alive is the meaning.
- Joseph Campbell

Life is an adventure.
I can only wonder what treasure
awaits at the top of the path.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Life is an exciting business,
and most exciting when it is lived for others.
- Helen Keller

Nobody can hurt me without my permission.
- Mohandas (Mahatma) Gandhi

I have found that if you love life,
life will love you back.
- Arthur Rubinstein

One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar.
- Helen Keller

Life may not be the party we hoped for,
but while we are here we might as well dance.
- Anonymous

Anger? perhaps there is a better way.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie


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May the world be kind to you,
and may your own thoughts be gentle upon yourself.
- Jonathan Lockwood Huie

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